Potential Of The body, beyond The Mind.

When I was young and new to this body, I did not know what it was really capable of because for most of the time I listen too much to what other people would say what I was capable of and what I was not capable of, and of course there was the TV and all those narrow version ideas about what the human body is capable of and then of coures if anyone goes outside of those boundary lines set down, your nuts or imaginative or some thing that was negative, and it would feel negative to my ego, that only wanted flaterry.

You know you have to create this ego, identity thing, and you have to be an artist, your own creative artist responsible for every brush stroke, hopefully a perfection artistic work so every year of your life every moment that you are in the company of others you create and keep creating this useless master piece......OK! OK! perhaps useless is going too far.

I only speak so strongly today because I am more aware now of the damage that shit item ego identity has caused in my life and in those lives of the people around me, I have even heard people say ego is treasure, well OK I can see that too, it's a great teacher but it is an two sided blade, one side cuts and creates pain the other side gives you realisation from the wisdom drawn from your suffering.

I was led to believe that the human body would if driven too hard drop down and die, well you know, it was wrong, come and listen to my story and I will tell you why that idea was absolutely wrong, I will tell you why and what I had found out during 2 different situations but with the same idea driving force behind it.

I was lucky to have had such a life when I was very young and still living at home as a young boy that I had also developed such a sensitive ego my life at home was not comfortable at all for such a sensitive ego, infact it was so uncomfortable it would be more comfortable to be dead, that was what I thought for most of the time during that period, my mind concieved that this place was living hell, and it would be better off if this body was no longer alive and out of this whole situation what did I deserve to be in this situation, I did no wrong to anyone why was I living and being bullied constantly. I will not go into the detail as that will not be the point I am here to make.

I remember that one day things had been as they were, I was sleeping in bed and because I had contracted a cold it meant that when I was asleep and breathing I would make a noise through my airways ie I was snoring, suddenly I am sleeping away and dreaming sweet dreams then there is a great red light and then there are these small stars of bright white light peppered onto the red light and a strange ping sound echoing through my ears like the sound of a bell that had just been hit and alowed to vibrate, and then a tremendous pain in my face, it was my dear beloved brother he had punched me in the face several times because I had woken him up, you see in those days we all slept in the same bedroom, he gave me a hiding while still lieing in bed, i was constantly going to school with black eyes split lips bruises etc.

There were not many days that went by that I was not carrying something on my face or body, so I took up boxing this was where it all started, by now I had began to run in the hope that my muscles would become stronger, I was determined to become able to look after myself, so that I did not have to feel defenceless.

That one day I put on my running cloths and went running up the mountains where I had lived and when I was running I was feeling very angry about my whole life and this suicidal tendancy was with me that day, why, why me why am I here in this situation this misery.

I had to fight in school, I had to fight going to school, and I had to fight comeing back from school, it was fight fight fight all the time, I had no problem standing up for myself when it was other kids and I would do well something in me would not allow me to lose any fight, but when it was my brother I was so scared of him, and I hated him for this, this anger was a buiolt up energy over whelming in its force and action it would produce from me.

I saw that mountain in front of me and I thought if I run hard enough I will be dead when I get to the top of it or before I get to the top of it, now this mountain was beyond my imagination I was only 10 years old at the time and to run all the way up there was not possible for me, after all I was conditioned to believe this, but this emotion inside of me was so strong I was so hurt and angry that I run and run and run, I got to the top, I am still alive, shitttt!

I looked at that other mountain over the other-side of the valley, I must be dead if I can get to the top of that one I was not going to stop until I had killed this body off there was no way was I going to be alive after today they would all find me dead, so I kept on running and running I got to the top of that mountain then there was another mountain and i run to the top of that one, something began to happen in me there was some release, I had over come the fear of death and I realised that my mind had limited me by making boundaries of what I could and could not do before I even tried it.

I realised I was capable of doing much greater things than my mind could believe that I could do, there was something beyond this mind and this mind had limited me, through what others had convinced me to believe and disbelieve, it was as if I had been released, though I was still alive my suffering had stoped for the time being because the suffering was all in my mind and by going beyond that mountain that my mind had created as a barrier, I had also gone beyond that mind and became free by that act and that realisation, I realised that the mind set limitations and that we are beyond those limitations of mind.

During this time there was another strange phenomena that occurred to me for the same reason though after over coming the fear of my situation by conquering the mountain, and so long as I could remember this place of sanctuary within myself without the mind, still there was pain coming onto my physical body from the same source, I could not escape it I was too young to leave home, and this pain given to my physical body caused even more pain to my emotional body, and therefore my mind was in pain very easily.

In such a situation was I in anguish, that night I remember it well Jack Evans is boxing gym I was walking to, down that long and dark path covered over with trees that gave the effect of walking through a cave created by trees where bats would fly through the air and almost touch your head, I got to Jacks gym actually I was a couple of years older by now, but still the problem was there in fact it was even worse my brother had gone to detension centre and then Borstal where he had become an olympic lifter and had won the british championship so by now his beatings were even worse than before I always tried to make sure I was not home when he was around I spent a lot of time living in the woods camping out in the summer months and I was always to frightened of him to defend myself, I was a coward to him yet in other situations I was a lion, the differences were so extreme, here is an account of this strange thing that happened that day:

I walked into Jacks gym got myself dressed for the workout, first was skipping for 30-60 minutes then there was bag work, then reflex ball work then sparring, then ground work, that was the usual workout 2 hours in all.

I did the skipping but with anger in my heart, that night I skipped longer and harder than usual, then I got onto the bag work, I began hitting the bag as fast and hard as I could, I was so angry, so emotionally disturbed, the rounds were always 3 minute rounds then Jack would ring the bell or Erny would ring the bell for 30 seconds rest.

That night I did not want to rest between the rounds, I was so hurt inside, I didn't want to look at anyone's face because I was so inside myself that night time was called again and again and I just carried on, that same idea, then that same feeling, idea resurfaced, came into my heart and came into my head, that idea and feeling of wanting to be dead.

DEATH, DEATH I WANT DEATH, I hit the bag fast I hit it harder and harder my heart was beating harder and harder and faster and faster the harder it beat the bag, the harder I breathed, the harder I would hit it again and again, my lungs were screaming for air my lungs were screaming at me for life but I denied them breath and life for I wanted death over everything.

Then it happened just as I came to that point where the body and breath has not got enough air to survive just at that moment when death was inevitable, something phenomenal happened at that moment I thought death was finally here, that breath was not enough to supply the heavy demand I had put on the body, and then I went beyond that last breath for life;

Suddenly all the self induced pain brought on by the excess punishment I put on the body, abruptly stopped, everything suddenly became stilled, the heart was not heard, the breathing was not heavy, the muscles were not hurting, in fact there was an at easeness the body became detached and everything was as if detached.

Though I was still working the body like some mad man, it was as if the body had become detached from me, as if I was ordering some machine to do this and to do that, I gave the body commands and it did everything I ask it to do, there was no more strain, nothing was impossible where as before there were impossibilities in this body, yet I was putting it under what would seem like tremendous strain, what it could do was unlimited, I had become super human, yet again I had conquered death and the miraculous happened.

It was this foundation that I had built my life upon, when I was only 13 I was able to fight in the ring with my senior Welsh champions and also European champions and put them to shame I also became UK light weight champion because of this relationship with the body, the lack of breath had taught me to become still inside even though the body was under tremendous strain, and that there was an area inside that has great power and great potential and to get there you have to go through the door way of death and become the still though the body is under stress and the mind was a block.

PS. I would like to add that there are no bad feelings towards my brother I have great love that you could not know for my brother, I see my brother as being a gift and specially designed for me so that I could see what I would not have saw in my life without him, though those years were difficult I now see the great value of them.

Hope this helps some of you along your way.

LOVE TRUTH PEACE COMPASSION FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM

Ozay Rinpoche